WITH TONGUE RAMMED FIRMLY IN CHEEK RUSS SWAN CASTS THE WRYEST OF EYES OVER THE OMNI-SHAMBLES OF BREXIT AND WHAT IT MEANS FOR UK SCIENCE...

摘要

This is big.Having been granted exclusive access to workings of HM government’s Select and Rectification Committee on Science and Mathematics,SARCASM,we can today reveal the highly-advanced state of preparedness of the science industry for the imminent changes to our national life.The committee wishes to remind the world how great Britain really is and how our scientists and engineers basically discovered and invented everything.New guidelines reinforce this new truth and take the opportunity to correct a number of historical and geographical anomalies.Calculus was developed by Isaac Newton,a proud Englishman,yet for centuries the system of notation used is that of a German,Gottfried Leibniz.The committee has determined that Newton’s is the one true calculus and that his notation must be used.This will stimulate a small economic miracle as textbooks are replaced so that the unwelcome foreign ∫ is replaced with correct British x.Furthermore,Leibniz biscuits are to become Issacs(Newtons already being used for a less delicious snack).