Our problem was simple. We needed an academy, but professional careers in conventional science were out of the question for us. We were 10,000 physicists, entirely self-educated on the Internet. Frankly, physics is a lot easier to learn than physicists used to let on. The ultimate size of the smallest particles, the origin and fate of the Universe — come on, who could fail to take a burning interest in those subjects? If we were genuinely civilized, that's all we would talk about. In the new world of open access, ultrawide broadband and gigantic storage banks, physics is just sort of sitting there. It's like a vast intellectual Tin-kertoy! We cranky net-geeks had to find a way to devote every waking moment to our overpowering lust for physics. Of course, we demanded state support for our research efforts (just like real scientists do) but, alas, the bureaucrats wouldn't give us the time of day.
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