YOUR APPLICATION FOR ETERNAL LIFE HAS BEEN PARTIALLY APPROVED

摘要

This is an important message from the Central Existence Committee. Press 1 to receive this message in English. Press 2 to receive this message in Spanish. Press 3 to have this message directly injected into your brain using Chomsky universal grammar. You have three seconds to choose. Congratulations, Mr Lawson. We have confirmed that you have less than 6 weeks to live. You are now eligible for total fermionic regeneration. Your application has been approved with a continuity coefficient of 0.8 (80%). You will be regenerated via a process originally developed for quantum teleportation. First, you will be subatomically scanned, using what is referred to as a 'destructive read,. Essentially, your body will be completely destroyed as it is converted into pure information. Next, we will apply powerful error-correcting algorithms to your data, and reconstitute your body with all pathological conditions eliminated. Your data will not be shared with any third party.