Cash in on multiple cultural trends by patenting my new 'self-bake' affordable home protoype. I just don't understand it. Over the last few days I've submitted four proposals and they've all been greeted with blank indifference. A boutique urban picnic area. The conversion of an office block to a 'city hive' buzzing with inferred Mad Men chic and stylish space constraints. An artistic intervention in the roofspace of a Victorian railway station. A re-imagined Carlisle where, in my renderings at least, inhabitants enjoy sunshine and wi-fi and eye contact. Why have these proposals not been welcomed by local politicians and planners with appropriate levels of enthusiasm? Why have I not, as is customary, been praised for my insight into the human condition and for my selfless generosity in showing how this could be ameliorated by the healing balm of epic space?
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